I haven't written in a while, I've had a rough pregnancy and most of my life has been devoted to taking care of Lydia, my husband and the big thing, our move closer to my parents! I've had this on my mind for a while, and it is in light of all the negative feedback toward yoga pants and leggings.
You can read articles all day long on how someone felt the day they wore yoga pants, how yoga pants cause lustful desires and on and on I can go.
First I will say this, yes we are responsible as Christians in what we wear, but the thing too is the other person has a responsibility not to look. There I said it. We all have a responsibility not to lust but are yoga pants encouraging lust? Let's look closer at this....
1. Yoga pants are sinful, same with leggings.
If we are going to make a blanket statement about certain kinds of clothes what about skinny legs jeans? Are they sinful too? What about jeans that aren't straight cut? Where do we draw the line?
2. Your encouraging and inviting men to lust after you.
I wear what I call the non skin tight variety-ie.-one size up from my normal size for comfort reasons I hate things being too tight. I wear them with t-shirts, tunics, running to the store, going out with the husband and everywhere else. I don't see men lusting after me any more than if I was wearing my jeans and t-shirts.
3. Men can't control how they feel, they're visual creatures.
Duh. I've been married 5 years, I know that, not to get personal but I know how and what turns my husband on-and that is something that is kept at home. Men do get turned on and that is why my clothes are modest, maybe not conservative but modest. I don't encourage men to lust after me by wearing low cut t-shirts that show everything, short shorts where half my butt is hanging out, spaghetti strap tanks without a shrug. Men are going to look, it is our job to make sure that we aren't doing anything to encourage it. As I told someone, with the way I look, men would get turned on by a paper sack-I can dress in a normal manner and still get stared at. Am I encouraging it by dressing modestly? I think not.
4. The Bible shows we should be wearing _____ (add item of clothing)
Most of the people that use this believe in the old fashioned view of neck high shirts, long skirts, making sure everything is covered-no skin is showing except for arms and possibly ankles. Men will look anyway! If you are that concerned on how you are dressing you have a crazy view that I cannot see myself following. It isn't Biblical to tell someone you must dress a certain way. Yes there are standards that we must follow and as times change so does dress. As long as it is modest, and it's overly tight, revealing, or short we can wear it safely as Christians.
With these 4 points, I hope to show that as Christian we can wear yoga pants and leggings without causing someone to lust after us. It takes time to mature and I know some of you may not agree but as for me it is a personal opinion a Romans 14 issue, and I will continue to wear my yoga pants/yoga capris.
I'm also 30 weeks pregnant and they are so incredibly comfortable when nothing else is fitting too!
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
Friday, March 14, 2014
Mental Health Stigma
I try to avoid talking in great detail about my struggle with type 1 bipolar disorder. Yes I am a rapid cycler, I go through moods more than most people would in their entire lifetime. That is beside the point though, as a wife who is entrusted with carrying a human life-Lydia Faith, and ending up with mysterious seizures that we're trying to find a neurologist that understands I'm hitting road blocks-all because I'm bipolar. My previous neurologist was of no help-he said in short-I'm bipolar it's my fault I'm seizing because I'm not controlling my mood swings-and he won't help me but give me all the drugs I want after Lydia gets here.
At the hospital I was classified as someone with pseudo seizures because I can respond to pain-which I have NO idea is happening-and since I'm bipolar it's something psychological because I'm off my medication-because it's too dangerous to take while I'm pregnant. However, I am in control of my moods, I am seeing a specialist every single month for my check in with my bipolar disorder, and I am in full on recovery mode. That does not mean I will never have problems, outbursts when the mania hits, but I am well in control of my actions, thoughts and mood switches. I know how serious this disorder is and how it affects every part of my life. I also know it can't be pseudo, because I'm figuring out what is triggering them-anything that involves rapid eye movement-which means at church the songs on the powerpoint, my beloved Sims 3 game, flashing lights, fast movements on television and the like. I am controlling my seizures myself-until my awesome OB who doesn't judge me because I'm bipolar finds someone for me to go to.
Being judged because I'm bipolar is something I've ran into since being diagnosed in October 2013. Most health care professionals are unsure what to do. My neurologist threw that very unhelpful mood quiz at me right after I was in the E.R the day before with a seizure attack-I seized for over an hour straight all they did was watch me my mom said. Of course I would be in a bad mood, I was pretty much ignored and watched until I came around. On the day before Sunday-they gave me something to pull me out and made sure I was okay before sending me home. So I had every reason to be agitated, frustrated and wanting to scream especially after the neurologist is of no help. The neurologist also took almost 2 hours to see me so I was already mad and then being told it's all my fault really iced the cake-how is it my fault I am seizing. I am no longer dealing with the PTSD flashbacks and nightmares anymore they're a distant memory thanks to the person I see regularly who has helped me move on with my life.
When I'm seizing I am as chill as everything, I'm doing the Zen thing I was taught by my specialist to keep me calm when I start getting frenzied, and it works wonders. I never seize when I'm in the middle of a cycle switch either, or when I'm in a certain mood. Yes I sometimes deal with insomnia sometimes it's because my little jumping bean decides it's time to party at 2am other times it's because I'm manic and I want to enjoy the mania of getting little sleep, and enjoying the roller coaster ride. But do I seize then, no-I do not. I seize when I decide it'll be fun to play the Sims 3, I have most expansion packs and so I could play for hours, or I decide to sing following the powerpoint slide and not my trusty hymnbook, or any other combination of things.
I wish healthcare would stop judging us that are mentally ill and realize not everything is because I'm bipolar. I have stage 4 endometriosis it wasn't caused by bipolar disorder, same with my fibromyalgia-that is a result of the endometriosis. My thought is this, if we can't stop judging those who need the help with other health problems we're never going to be a country who cares about the mentally ill. Being put in a box labeled mentally ill and it causes x, y and z without finding another cause will only hurt this country and hurt those who need help. I'm very blessed to have a husband who helps me and understands why I am the way I am-and who makes sure I get doctors who don't blame the illness and blame me. It's not easy being bipolar and it's sure not easy when people don't want to find the real cause of health problems! Hopefully soon I will find out the true cause of my seizures instead of living in fear of them happening.
At the hospital I was classified as someone with pseudo seizures because I can respond to pain-which I have NO idea is happening-and since I'm bipolar it's something psychological because I'm off my medication-because it's too dangerous to take while I'm pregnant. However, I am in control of my moods, I am seeing a specialist every single month for my check in with my bipolar disorder, and I am in full on recovery mode. That does not mean I will never have problems, outbursts when the mania hits, but I am well in control of my actions, thoughts and mood switches. I know how serious this disorder is and how it affects every part of my life. I also know it can't be pseudo, because I'm figuring out what is triggering them-anything that involves rapid eye movement-which means at church the songs on the powerpoint, my beloved Sims 3 game, flashing lights, fast movements on television and the like. I am controlling my seizures myself-until my awesome OB who doesn't judge me because I'm bipolar finds someone for me to go to.
Being judged because I'm bipolar is something I've ran into since being diagnosed in October 2013. Most health care professionals are unsure what to do. My neurologist threw that very unhelpful mood quiz at me right after I was in the E.R the day before with a seizure attack-I seized for over an hour straight all they did was watch me my mom said. Of course I would be in a bad mood, I was pretty much ignored and watched until I came around. On the day before Sunday-they gave me something to pull me out and made sure I was okay before sending me home. So I had every reason to be agitated, frustrated and wanting to scream especially after the neurologist is of no help. The neurologist also took almost 2 hours to see me so I was already mad and then being told it's all my fault really iced the cake-how is it my fault I am seizing. I am no longer dealing with the PTSD flashbacks and nightmares anymore they're a distant memory thanks to the person I see regularly who has helped me move on with my life.
When I'm seizing I am as chill as everything, I'm doing the Zen thing I was taught by my specialist to keep me calm when I start getting frenzied, and it works wonders. I never seize when I'm in the middle of a cycle switch either, or when I'm in a certain mood. Yes I sometimes deal with insomnia sometimes it's because my little jumping bean decides it's time to party at 2am other times it's because I'm manic and I want to enjoy the mania of getting little sleep, and enjoying the roller coaster ride. But do I seize then, no-I do not. I seize when I decide it'll be fun to play the Sims 3, I have most expansion packs and so I could play for hours, or I decide to sing following the powerpoint slide and not my trusty hymnbook, or any other combination of things.
I wish healthcare would stop judging us that are mentally ill and realize not everything is because I'm bipolar. I have stage 4 endometriosis it wasn't caused by bipolar disorder, same with my fibromyalgia-that is a result of the endometriosis. My thought is this, if we can't stop judging those who need the help with other health problems we're never going to be a country who cares about the mentally ill. Being put in a box labeled mentally ill and it causes x, y and z without finding another cause will only hurt this country and hurt those who need help. I'm very blessed to have a husband who helps me and understands why I am the way I am-and who makes sure I get doctors who don't blame the illness and blame me. It's not easy being bipolar and it's sure not easy when people don't want to find the real cause of health problems! Hopefully soon I will find out the true cause of my seizures instead of living in fear of them happening.
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Normal Pregnancy
This is me at my most sarcastic..just an fyi
I'm having a normal uneventual pregnancy-I am only on activity restriction because of my past history of miscarriage. But I am so lazy...here is why
1. I do take my daily prenatal vitamin-but sometimes it's 3-4 hours late-because I'm just too lazy to go take it or I end up falling back to sleep and forget
2. I have given up trying to take a weekly pregnancy belly pic-I am so done with watching my stomach grow-if the lil one wants to know I'll say "volleyball" at 4 months and "blocking the sun" thanks to a friend for that analogy when I'm due in July.
3. I may have a pregnancy "glow" but I'm not going to make myself look good if I don't feel it. Yoga pants, leggings and a cute pregnancy top and I am set to go. I don't care if I'm dressed to go out with the husband or to go to church. I am big and comfortable that is all.
4. I don't mind having a baby shower I need stuff sorry to anyone who thinks I'm greedy-but other than that no party for me. When I know what I'm having I am going to kick my feet up, watch something on Netflix that is humorous and thank the Lord my baby is healthy.
5. I am tired, and I will sleep whenever I feel like it. I do go out with my mom (who is AWESOME) once a week and it is SO nice to get a break from the boringness of my life.
6. I love feeling the baby move around, but sometimes it'll hit my backbone or my bladder and all I can say is ouch, and try to make him or her move from where it's situated.
7. I've become accustomed to being a two person body ie. Myself and a small tiny person that has taken residence inside of me.
8. To add to 5, it goes beyond being tired it goes to the point where lil one stays up all night long and then I sleep all day to make up for it.
Above all I love being pregnant and I am thankful for being pregnant because after 3 losses I thought it was never going to happen. But I am looking forward to being a mom and even though it's a big change I can't wait.
I'm having a normal uneventual pregnancy-I am only on activity restriction because of my past history of miscarriage. But I am so lazy...here is why
1. I do take my daily prenatal vitamin-but sometimes it's 3-4 hours late-because I'm just too lazy to go take it or I end up falling back to sleep and forget
2. I have given up trying to take a weekly pregnancy belly pic-I am so done with watching my stomach grow-if the lil one wants to know I'll say "volleyball" at 4 months and "blocking the sun" thanks to a friend for that analogy when I'm due in July.
3. I may have a pregnancy "glow" but I'm not going to make myself look good if I don't feel it. Yoga pants, leggings and a cute pregnancy top and I am set to go. I don't care if I'm dressed to go out with the husband or to go to church. I am big and comfortable that is all.
4. I don't mind having a baby shower I need stuff sorry to anyone who thinks I'm greedy-but other than that no party for me. When I know what I'm having I am going to kick my feet up, watch something on Netflix that is humorous and thank the Lord my baby is healthy.
5. I am tired, and I will sleep whenever I feel like it. I do go out with my mom (who is AWESOME) once a week and it is SO nice to get a break from the boringness of my life.
6. I love feeling the baby move around, but sometimes it'll hit my backbone or my bladder and all I can say is ouch, and try to make him or her move from where it's situated.
7. I've become accustomed to being a two person body ie. Myself and a small tiny person that has taken residence inside of me.
8. To add to 5, it goes beyond being tired it goes to the point where lil one stays up all night long and then I sleep all day to make up for it.
Above all I love being pregnant and I am thankful for being pregnant because after 3 losses I thought it was never going to happen. But I am looking forward to being a mom and even though it's a big change I can't wait.
Saturday, January 18, 2014
Recovery
About 6 months ago I was hopeless, tired of living, tired of struggling and I was sick of everything. I cried out to God, asking "why me?" because I had no idea where to go. I had been struggling on and off for 12 years with severe depression and anxiety-I did not know where to turn. Until, I got set up with my therapist Ms. K. She has been a lifesaver-and brought me back from the brink of death to a life worth living.
I did not know I was bipolar-all I knew was the highs and lows were extreme. The anger and hatred I felt was overwhelming. Spiritually I was in a bad place-I wanted to get closer to God but the depression was preventing me from getting better spiritually. Then I met my therapist. With her help I was able to change how I thought, how I acted, realized that bipolar disorder is not an excuse for my actions, but a reason to change my actions and do better. I realized how afraid of the world I was-I couldn't leave the house sometimes, I couldn't drive my car, I was literally trapped in my own body and my own house.
Six months ago I filled out an anxiety and depression survey. My depression was at a 36-which meant severe suicidal depression, my anxiety was at a 14, very severe-and together my therapist worked with me and helped me get through those dark days-I went every week for a while, then two weeks, now I am back to once a month to go for monthly check ins. The irrational fears are gone-I can drive again, I'm not afraid to be alone anymore while my husband is working. The anger and outbursts are under control-I have what we have called the pregnancy hormones but that is it.
I am spiritually stronger, willing and ready to be the best Christian I can be, because through the dark days God lead me, He lead me to my therapist, He helped me through my struggle of learning how to think logically and outwardly, along with therapy I have improved so much.
It isn't because I'm pregnant I'm recovering, I'm recovering for myself, and I have built a wall around me, when it gets bad, I pray, I know when I'm going manic, I know when the depression hits, and I know how to fight it. I have resources both here on earth and above.
I never thought I could recover, and stay stable without medication. Yes I have bad days and some days are harder but I am recovering. I am taking it one day at a time-and becoming the wife and soon to be mother I have needed and wanted to be. Above all I am becoming the Christian God desires of me. For that I am proud, and I am grateful to have wonderful people in my life that help me through it. For though I walk through the shadow of Death I shall fear no evil.
I did not know I was bipolar-all I knew was the highs and lows were extreme. The anger and hatred I felt was overwhelming. Spiritually I was in a bad place-I wanted to get closer to God but the depression was preventing me from getting better spiritually. Then I met my therapist. With her help I was able to change how I thought, how I acted, realized that bipolar disorder is not an excuse for my actions, but a reason to change my actions and do better. I realized how afraid of the world I was-I couldn't leave the house sometimes, I couldn't drive my car, I was literally trapped in my own body and my own house.
Six months ago I filled out an anxiety and depression survey. My depression was at a 36-which meant severe suicidal depression, my anxiety was at a 14, very severe-and together my therapist worked with me and helped me get through those dark days-I went every week for a while, then two weeks, now I am back to once a month to go for monthly check ins. The irrational fears are gone-I can drive again, I'm not afraid to be alone anymore while my husband is working. The anger and outbursts are under control-I have what we have called the pregnancy hormones but that is it.
I am spiritually stronger, willing and ready to be the best Christian I can be, because through the dark days God lead me, He lead me to my therapist, He helped me through my struggle of learning how to think logically and outwardly, along with therapy I have improved so much.
It isn't because I'm pregnant I'm recovering, I'm recovering for myself, and I have built a wall around me, when it gets bad, I pray, I know when I'm going manic, I know when the depression hits, and I know how to fight it. I have resources both here on earth and above.
I never thought I could recover, and stay stable without medication. Yes I have bad days and some days are harder but I am recovering. I am taking it one day at a time-and becoming the wife and soon to be mother I have needed and wanted to be. Above all I am becoming the Christian God desires of me. For that I am proud, and I am grateful to have wonderful people in my life that help me through it. For though I walk through the shadow of Death I shall fear no evil.
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Healthy Baby
As the doctor put the magic doppler on my stomach and the room filled with the sounds of the babies heartbeat I was in awe. How amazing it truly is that from a tiny blob of cells has a baby developed. Like the verse said, "for you formed my inward parts" it is so true, and hearing that heartbeat made me feel so blessed. I was in awe, and I was shocked, it was real.
I have so much to be thankful for, besides being a wife, and being thankful for my husband and my beautiful labrador, now I can be thankful for this little life inside of me. I was told by the doctor, it would have been impossible without God for me to conceive. My endometriosis is so severe it prevents conception. I also have the possibility of RH factor problems, the doctor hinted at that being the reason why I lost 2 at 12 weeks. The time was right and the Lord blessed us, we can't take all the credit, but I can thank the Lord for giving me this opportunity to have a child and become a mother.
I'm 14 weeks and 5 days, and July 7th is coming quick but my husband and I preparing ourselves for the change our lives are going to take. We waited almost 5 years for this opportunity, and after losing 3 babies everything is perfect.
As my doctor said "that heartbeat means that a little boy or girl is perfectly healthy!" The heartbeat is at 155 beats per minute, I haven't gained any weight and I look like I swallowed a volleyball! Prayers have been answered, and I keep on praying!
I have so much to be thankful for, besides being a wife, and being thankful for my husband and my beautiful labrador, now I can be thankful for this little life inside of me. I was told by the doctor, it would have been impossible without God for me to conceive. My endometriosis is so severe it prevents conception. I also have the possibility of RH factor problems, the doctor hinted at that being the reason why I lost 2 at 12 weeks. The time was right and the Lord blessed us, we can't take all the credit, but I can thank the Lord for giving me this opportunity to have a child and become a mother.
I'm 14 weeks and 5 days, and July 7th is coming quick but my husband and I preparing ourselves for the change our lives are going to take. We waited almost 5 years for this opportunity, and after losing 3 babies everything is perfect.
As my doctor said "that heartbeat means that a little boy or girl is perfectly healthy!" The heartbeat is at 155 beats per minute, I haven't gained any weight and I look like I swallowed a volleyball! Prayers have been answered, and I keep on praying!
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
14 Weeks Pregnant
Yes, I am now 14 weeks pregnant and I definitely look pregnant now, my stomach "popped" like bread with yeast and I am now in stretchy maternity jeans and my favorite pair of black leggings. Shirts are still an iffy situation, I can wear **some** non maternity shirts others I look like a redneck heading to the local wal-mart! No offense if your a wal-mart shopper who's clothes don't fit. I am a dorky redneck, proud to live in a mobile home with my husband and my "guard" dog Scooter.
I go Thursday to my doctor IF it doesn't get cancelled because he has another delivery at the hospital-that is why last Friday got cancelled. I get to hear the heartbeat for the first time and yes I am so ready, I know everything is fine because LO (little one) is active, kicking and moving a whole lot. I got up wrong out of bed earlier and LO rolled off my bladder and banged right into my very sore endometriosis cyst that sits right outside my babies cozy dwelling. Oww and some pee leakage happened....which is ok, I know it will get worse in the next few months but I'm ready.
Things I am doing with LO this week
-Spending alone time talking and rubbing my belly letting LO know it is loved and I can't wait to find out if it's a boy or a girl-only a few more weeks!
-Watching what I eat along with eating everything in sight and I mean everything. String cheese, grapes, you name it I'll eat it-even though that Taco Bell chalupa sounds sooo good
-Listening to the radio because I like music-and I hope to give the baby an appreciation of music
-Making sure to put stretch mark cream on my stomach to prevent zebra stripes
-Not going into the nursery/office/storage space every 5 minutes envisioning inpending motherhood
-Not worrying about the baby and if I'll hear the heartbeat. I lost 3 babies before stressing about it will make everything worse
-Praying to God a whole lot more and asking him to bless this baby and keep this baby safe.
-Get this sinus/upper respiratory infection under control, it's miserable and if I'm miserable no one is safe!
I am actually going to try to make it to church tomorrow night-I am going to go stir crazy I was sick Sunday and I have not left the house to go anywhere since Saturday. I'm ready for real clothes and warm weather-this polar vortex is getting old-sooo incredibly cold.
So on that note I'll leave a picture of my pretty girl Scooter curled up next to the portable space heater
I go Thursday to my doctor IF it doesn't get cancelled because he has another delivery at the hospital-that is why last Friday got cancelled. I get to hear the heartbeat for the first time and yes I am so ready, I know everything is fine because LO (little one) is active, kicking and moving a whole lot. I got up wrong out of bed earlier and LO rolled off my bladder and banged right into my very sore endometriosis cyst that sits right outside my babies cozy dwelling. Oww and some pee leakage happened....which is ok, I know it will get worse in the next few months but I'm ready.
Things I am doing with LO this week
-Spending alone time talking and rubbing my belly letting LO know it is loved and I can't wait to find out if it's a boy or a girl-only a few more weeks!
-Watching what I eat along with eating everything in sight and I mean everything. String cheese, grapes, you name it I'll eat it-even though that Taco Bell chalupa sounds sooo good
-Listening to the radio because I like music-and I hope to give the baby an appreciation of music
-Making sure to put stretch mark cream on my stomach to prevent zebra stripes
-Not going into the nursery/office/storage space every 5 minutes envisioning inpending motherhood
-Not worrying about the baby and if I'll hear the heartbeat. I lost 3 babies before stressing about it will make everything worse
-Praying to God a whole lot more and asking him to bless this baby and keep this baby safe.
-Get this sinus/upper respiratory infection under control, it's miserable and if I'm miserable no one is safe!
I am actually going to try to make it to church tomorrow night-I am going to go stir crazy I was sick Sunday and I have not left the house to go anywhere since Saturday. I'm ready for real clothes and warm weather-this polar vortex is getting old-sooo incredibly cold.
So on that note I'll leave a picture of my pretty girl Scooter curled up next to the portable space heater
Friday, December 27, 2013
Thankfulness
There is so much I can be thankful for, and it is so hard to put it into words. List form will be how I blog this and maybe this will inspire you to write your own :)
1.I am thankful for my loving husband-he has been my rock and support for the last 5 years, without him I know I wouldn't be here or this healthy
2. My dog, even though right now she is a pain in the butt because I'm pregnant and she is doing everything in her power to annoy me, piss me off or ignore me but I wouldn't trade her for the world-she's such a sweetheart.
3. This baby growing inside of me, I am already tired of the comments that "Oh your having a July baby your going to hate being pregnant by then." I have experienced 3 losses, how I could I hate being pregnant. Yes by May I will probably be huge, but knowing that this baby is a gift from God makes me thankful to be pregnant especially when I was told I could never conceive again.
4. Quickening-every day I feel this baby moving it makes me thankful she/he is still alive inside of me, getting bigger everyday.
5. Surviving-through everything. I have been almost beat to death by an ex boyfriend, raped, drank until I passed out, almost flatlined at my sleep study in a status epilepticus attack-and that was the closest I came to dying-and prayer saved my life. I know the Lord was not done with me yet, and I was pregnant with this baby when that happened, around 3 weeks or so.
6. My family, this isn't in order, but my family ranks close to the top-even though we sometimes disagree we're still family and we're still together.
7. My faith and religion and my wonderful church family, without them where would I be. They have helped me through this last 7 or 8 months supporting us helping us and getting us through some rough times.
8. Everything else I haven't mentioned-I have so much more I cannot put into words-and I am so thankful for everything in my life.
1.I am thankful for my loving husband-he has been my rock and support for the last 5 years, without him I know I wouldn't be here or this healthy
2. My dog, even though right now she is a pain in the butt because I'm pregnant and she is doing everything in her power to annoy me, piss me off or ignore me but I wouldn't trade her for the world-she's such a sweetheart.
3. This baby growing inside of me, I am already tired of the comments that "Oh your having a July baby your going to hate being pregnant by then." I have experienced 3 losses, how I could I hate being pregnant. Yes by May I will probably be huge, but knowing that this baby is a gift from God makes me thankful to be pregnant especially when I was told I could never conceive again.
4. Quickening-every day I feel this baby moving it makes me thankful she/he is still alive inside of me, getting bigger everyday.
5. Surviving-through everything. I have been almost beat to death by an ex boyfriend, raped, drank until I passed out, almost flatlined at my sleep study in a status epilepticus attack-and that was the closest I came to dying-and prayer saved my life. I know the Lord was not done with me yet, and I was pregnant with this baby when that happened, around 3 weeks or so.
6. My family, this isn't in order, but my family ranks close to the top-even though we sometimes disagree we're still family and we're still together.
7. My faith and religion and my wonderful church family, without them where would I be. They have helped me through this last 7 or 8 months supporting us helping us and getting us through some rough times.
8. Everything else I haven't mentioned-I have so much more I cannot put into words-and I am so thankful for everything in my life.
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