One and Done

I'm going to be 35 weeks tomorrow with our little girl Lydia Faith. I got pregnant by the grace of God after 3 miscarriages and severe endometriosis. I was considered infertile, my adhesions, scarring, cysts and fibroids made pregnancy a near impossible challenge. Add to that I have a strange form of epilepsy, I am bipolar and I also have fibromyalgia. When I got pregnant with her I was on a combination of medications to control my health problems. I am managing my mental health problems with therapy until I can go back on my medication after I have her.

I know it's common thought that stopping after one is selfish, and as I have heard "limiting God" and not having enough faith that God will provide the financial means (even if that means relying on the church for donations), that God won't give you more than you can handle, that in order to fulfill Biblical commands we must have more than one. It doesn't matter that your on modified bedrest from 29 weeks on because of non productive contractions, limited restriction from 9 weeks on due to cramping and 3 previous miscarriages we as mothers to be are told we must have more than child. This book is an example of this.

I was told by my high risk OB, that to have another one would put my life at risk, possibly killing me and the baby. Another reason, I am type 1 bipolar, having more than one would be dangerous, not because I don't know how to control my mental disorder but because I mentally cannot handle more than one child. I have a 94% chance without medicine of developing severe postpartum depression. It doesn't matter that I am a Christian and I trust God 100% that He will get me through it, postpartum depression and bipolar disorder are 100% real mental problems you cannot just say a prayer and it goes away. Faith is wonderful, and works wonderfully, but faith doesn't cure bipolar disorder either. My health is important, taking care of Lydia is important, being a wife is important and it will be hard enough on me to adjust to having someone else to take care of beside myself.

Selfish?

I don't think so, my health is very important to me, I don't want to leave my husband without a wife, or have a wife who is an empty shell of herself because she put herself in a situation where she cannot mentally handle the challenge of raising more than one child. I reiterate that, because so many people believe that this is a made up illness that only criminals or serial killers have.

Endometriosis

I have stage 4 endometriosis, during pregnancy it is supposed to go in remission, with mine it is severe enough where it is impeding with the pregnancy at 29 weeks, I started having contractions, luckily they were non productive and I wasn't dilating or losing fluid but I landed myself on modified bedrest to keep myself from going into full blown labor, even now at 34 weeks if I don't rest I will start contracting again. I am allowed out once a week for 3 or 4 hours. I can cook dinner, but I am not allowed to do any laundry, housework or anything requiring strenuous activity. Before that at 9 weeks, I started cramping, and with my history of miscarriage-the endometriosis and RH complications caused them, I had to go onto limited activity restriction-which means I could do housework, but I had to rest after chores, I could go out anytime I wanted but I had to rest afterward. My body cannot handle pregnancy, and it is with prayer, the Lord's help, and me doing my part I am keeping Lydia inside of me until she is considered full term. My husband is great, he is helping me with all the house chores, and doing everything he can while working 6 days a week.

On the non health side, why we were stopping after Lydia.

We trust in the Lord, we are doing our part to dig out of the hole 5 years of inconsistent income created, and hopefully soon we'll be on the right track. Financially we will be able to take care of her and instead of spoiling her, we want to put her in a private Christian school and with only having her we can afford to do that. We can let her be in sports, or whatever she wants to do without having to worrying about how we're going to afford putting more than one kid in sports. We can devote our lives to teaching her the Gospel, showing her how to be a successful person, to become a Christian it is a big responsibility and having one will help us be the best parents ever.

You are entitled to your opinion on how many kids you want to have, there is no scriptural evidence besides the "quiver full" verse on children and training them up. Children ARE a blessing from God and having one is the greatest blessing I can ever say I have been given. Once you start pushing your ideas and theories on someone else then you have crossed the line-if you want to let the Lord decide how many you have then that is your right. If you want to have 19 kids, then that's fine. If you want to stop after 1 that is your opinion. As someone that struggled with infertility, I was told I was in the wrong because I couldn't have kids, now I'm in the wrong because I'm stopping after 1. When will the judgement end?! We as parents and Christians need to realize that not everyone is blessed with perfect health that allows for multiple children, and that we are all different.

So please don't question what you don't understand, and when she gets here don't ask when we're having more, I am having surgery when she is born to prevent another baby and if we do decide to have more it will be adoption and it will be way in the future if it happens.