This is me at my most sarcastic..just an fyi
I'm having a normal uneventual pregnancy-I am only on activity restriction because of my past history of miscarriage. But I am so lazy...here is why
1. I do take my daily prenatal vitamin-but sometimes it's 3-4 hours late-because I'm just too lazy to go take it or I end up falling back to sleep and forget
2. I have given up trying to take a weekly pregnancy belly pic-I am so done with watching my stomach grow-if the lil one wants to know I'll say "volleyball" at 4 months and "blocking the sun" thanks to a friend for that analogy when I'm due in July.
3. I may have a pregnancy "glow" but I'm not going to make myself look good if I don't feel it. Yoga pants, leggings and a cute pregnancy top and I am set to go. I don't care if I'm dressed to go out with the husband or to go to church. I am big and comfortable that is all.
4. I don't mind having a baby shower I need stuff sorry to anyone who thinks I'm greedy-but other than that no party for me. When I know what I'm having I am going to kick my feet up, watch something on Netflix that is humorous and thank the Lord my baby is healthy.
5. I am tired, and I will sleep whenever I feel like it. I do go out with my mom (who is AWESOME) once a week and it is SO nice to get a break from the boringness of my life.
6. I love feeling the baby move around, but sometimes it'll hit my backbone or my bladder and all I can say is ouch, and try to make him or her move from where it's situated.
7. I've become accustomed to being a two person body ie. Myself and a small tiny person that has taken residence inside of me.
8. To add to 5, it goes beyond being tired it goes to the point where lil one stays up all night long and then I sleep all day to make up for it.
Above all I love being pregnant and I am thankful for being pregnant because after 3 losses I thought it was never going to happen. But I am looking forward to being a mom and even though it's a big change I can't wait.
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Saturday, January 18, 2014
Recovery
About 6 months ago I was hopeless, tired of living, tired of struggling and I was sick of everything. I cried out to God, asking "why me?" because I had no idea where to go. I had been struggling on and off for 12 years with severe depression and anxiety-I did not know where to turn. Until, I got set up with my therapist Ms. K. She has been a lifesaver-and brought me back from the brink of death to a life worth living.
I did not know I was bipolar-all I knew was the highs and lows were extreme. The anger and hatred I felt was overwhelming. Spiritually I was in a bad place-I wanted to get closer to God but the depression was preventing me from getting better spiritually. Then I met my therapist. With her help I was able to change how I thought, how I acted, realized that bipolar disorder is not an excuse for my actions, but a reason to change my actions and do better. I realized how afraid of the world I was-I couldn't leave the house sometimes, I couldn't drive my car, I was literally trapped in my own body and my own house.
Six months ago I filled out an anxiety and depression survey. My depression was at a 36-which meant severe suicidal depression, my anxiety was at a 14, very severe-and together my therapist worked with me and helped me get through those dark days-I went every week for a while, then two weeks, now I am back to once a month to go for monthly check ins. The irrational fears are gone-I can drive again, I'm not afraid to be alone anymore while my husband is working. The anger and outbursts are under control-I have what we have called the pregnancy hormones but that is it.
I am spiritually stronger, willing and ready to be the best Christian I can be, because through the dark days God lead me, He lead me to my therapist, He helped me through my struggle of learning how to think logically and outwardly, along with therapy I have improved so much.
It isn't because I'm pregnant I'm recovering, I'm recovering for myself, and I have built a wall around me, when it gets bad, I pray, I know when I'm going manic, I know when the depression hits, and I know how to fight it. I have resources both here on earth and above.
I never thought I could recover, and stay stable without medication. Yes I have bad days and some days are harder but I am recovering. I am taking it one day at a time-and becoming the wife and soon to be mother I have needed and wanted to be. Above all I am becoming the Christian God desires of me. For that I am proud, and I am grateful to have wonderful people in my life that help me through it. For though I walk through the shadow of Death I shall fear no evil.
I did not know I was bipolar-all I knew was the highs and lows were extreme. The anger and hatred I felt was overwhelming. Spiritually I was in a bad place-I wanted to get closer to God but the depression was preventing me from getting better spiritually. Then I met my therapist. With her help I was able to change how I thought, how I acted, realized that bipolar disorder is not an excuse for my actions, but a reason to change my actions and do better. I realized how afraid of the world I was-I couldn't leave the house sometimes, I couldn't drive my car, I was literally trapped in my own body and my own house.
Six months ago I filled out an anxiety and depression survey. My depression was at a 36-which meant severe suicidal depression, my anxiety was at a 14, very severe-and together my therapist worked with me and helped me get through those dark days-I went every week for a while, then two weeks, now I am back to once a month to go for monthly check ins. The irrational fears are gone-I can drive again, I'm not afraid to be alone anymore while my husband is working. The anger and outbursts are under control-I have what we have called the pregnancy hormones but that is it.
I am spiritually stronger, willing and ready to be the best Christian I can be, because through the dark days God lead me, He lead me to my therapist, He helped me through my struggle of learning how to think logically and outwardly, along with therapy I have improved so much.
It isn't because I'm pregnant I'm recovering, I'm recovering for myself, and I have built a wall around me, when it gets bad, I pray, I know when I'm going manic, I know when the depression hits, and I know how to fight it. I have resources both here on earth and above.
I never thought I could recover, and stay stable without medication. Yes I have bad days and some days are harder but I am recovering. I am taking it one day at a time-and becoming the wife and soon to be mother I have needed and wanted to be. Above all I am becoming the Christian God desires of me. For that I am proud, and I am grateful to have wonderful people in my life that help me through it. For though I walk through the shadow of Death I shall fear no evil.
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Healthy Baby
As the doctor put the magic doppler on my stomach and the room filled with the sounds of the babies heartbeat I was in awe. How amazing it truly is that from a tiny blob of cells has a baby developed. Like the verse said, "for you formed my inward parts" it is so true, and hearing that heartbeat made me feel so blessed. I was in awe, and I was shocked, it was real.
I have so much to be thankful for, besides being a wife, and being thankful for my husband and my beautiful labrador, now I can be thankful for this little life inside of me. I was told by the doctor, it would have been impossible without God for me to conceive. My endometriosis is so severe it prevents conception. I also have the possibility of RH factor problems, the doctor hinted at that being the reason why I lost 2 at 12 weeks. The time was right and the Lord blessed us, we can't take all the credit, but I can thank the Lord for giving me this opportunity to have a child and become a mother.
I'm 14 weeks and 5 days, and July 7th is coming quick but my husband and I preparing ourselves for the change our lives are going to take. We waited almost 5 years for this opportunity, and after losing 3 babies everything is perfect.
As my doctor said "that heartbeat means that a little boy or girl is perfectly healthy!" The heartbeat is at 155 beats per minute, I haven't gained any weight and I look like I swallowed a volleyball! Prayers have been answered, and I keep on praying!
I have so much to be thankful for, besides being a wife, and being thankful for my husband and my beautiful labrador, now I can be thankful for this little life inside of me. I was told by the doctor, it would have been impossible without God for me to conceive. My endometriosis is so severe it prevents conception. I also have the possibility of RH factor problems, the doctor hinted at that being the reason why I lost 2 at 12 weeks. The time was right and the Lord blessed us, we can't take all the credit, but I can thank the Lord for giving me this opportunity to have a child and become a mother.
I'm 14 weeks and 5 days, and July 7th is coming quick but my husband and I preparing ourselves for the change our lives are going to take. We waited almost 5 years for this opportunity, and after losing 3 babies everything is perfect.
As my doctor said "that heartbeat means that a little boy or girl is perfectly healthy!" The heartbeat is at 155 beats per minute, I haven't gained any weight and I look like I swallowed a volleyball! Prayers have been answered, and I keep on praying!
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
14 Weeks Pregnant
Yes, I am now 14 weeks pregnant and I definitely look pregnant now, my stomach "popped" like bread with yeast and I am now in stretchy maternity jeans and my favorite pair of black leggings. Shirts are still an iffy situation, I can wear **some** non maternity shirts others I look like a redneck heading to the local wal-mart! No offense if your a wal-mart shopper who's clothes don't fit. I am a dorky redneck, proud to live in a mobile home with my husband and my "guard" dog Scooter.
I go Thursday to my doctor IF it doesn't get cancelled because he has another delivery at the hospital-that is why last Friday got cancelled. I get to hear the heartbeat for the first time and yes I am so ready, I know everything is fine because LO (little one) is active, kicking and moving a whole lot. I got up wrong out of bed earlier and LO rolled off my bladder and banged right into my very sore endometriosis cyst that sits right outside my babies cozy dwelling. Oww and some pee leakage happened....which is ok, I know it will get worse in the next few months but I'm ready.
Things I am doing with LO this week
-Spending alone time talking and rubbing my belly letting LO know it is loved and I can't wait to find out if it's a boy or a girl-only a few more weeks!
-Watching what I eat along with eating everything in sight and I mean everything. String cheese, grapes, you name it I'll eat it-even though that Taco Bell chalupa sounds sooo good
-Listening to the radio because I like music-and I hope to give the baby an appreciation of music
-Making sure to put stretch mark cream on my stomach to prevent zebra stripes
-Not going into the nursery/office/storage space every 5 minutes envisioning inpending motherhood
-Not worrying about the baby and if I'll hear the heartbeat. I lost 3 babies before stressing about it will make everything worse
-Praying to God a whole lot more and asking him to bless this baby and keep this baby safe.
-Get this sinus/upper respiratory infection under control, it's miserable and if I'm miserable no one is safe!
I am actually going to try to make it to church tomorrow night-I am going to go stir crazy I was sick Sunday and I have not left the house to go anywhere since Saturday. I'm ready for real clothes and warm weather-this polar vortex is getting old-sooo incredibly cold.
So on that note I'll leave a picture of my pretty girl Scooter curled up next to the portable space heater
I go Thursday to my doctor IF it doesn't get cancelled because he has another delivery at the hospital-that is why last Friday got cancelled. I get to hear the heartbeat for the first time and yes I am so ready, I know everything is fine because LO (little one) is active, kicking and moving a whole lot. I got up wrong out of bed earlier and LO rolled off my bladder and banged right into my very sore endometriosis cyst that sits right outside my babies cozy dwelling. Oww and some pee leakage happened....which is ok, I know it will get worse in the next few months but I'm ready.
Things I am doing with LO this week
-Spending alone time talking and rubbing my belly letting LO know it is loved and I can't wait to find out if it's a boy or a girl-only a few more weeks!
-Watching what I eat along with eating everything in sight and I mean everything. String cheese, grapes, you name it I'll eat it-even though that Taco Bell chalupa sounds sooo good
-Listening to the radio because I like music-and I hope to give the baby an appreciation of music
-Making sure to put stretch mark cream on my stomach to prevent zebra stripes
-Not going into the nursery/office/storage space every 5 minutes envisioning inpending motherhood
-Not worrying about the baby and if I'll hear the heartbeat. I lost 3 babies before stressing about it will make everything worse
-Praying to God a whole lot more and asking him to bless this baby and keep this baby safe.
-Get this sinus/upper respiratory infection under control, it's miserable and if I'm miserable no one is safe!
I am actually going to try to make it to church tomorrow night-I am going to go stir crazy I was sick Sunday and I have not left the house to go anywhere since Saturday. I'm ready for real clothes and warm weather-this polar vortex is getting old-sooo incredibly cold.
So on that note I'll leave a picture of my pretty girl Scooter curled up next to the portable space heater
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